I’ve been having a hard time sleeping again, part of the ‘right of passage’ I’ve become aware! Not that I was ever a good sleeper, but anyway ….

When I’m awake in the middle of the night and nothing else to do my mind runs a mile a minute of course, the strangest things sometimes occur to me …. I say strange because they come to mind and then quickly followed by “I have thought this before and somehow managed to push it *out* of my mind’! Confusing right?!?!? lol

Anyway, the other night I started thinking about friends, and how many I have, like really have. The truth is that just like my kids, and just like my husband, when it comes to friends I really don’t make attachments. People are in my life when they choose to be and I consider myself a good friend, kind, thoughtful and always actively trying to maintain the relationship but the truth is I don’t *need* it and I really am not upset if they decide to move on or stop putting in any effort.

There are not many people I truly consider friends although I am friendly and have lots of social interactions …. truth is outside of my husband and kids there is one person I know locally although she is still guarded and therefore not one I count, and there is one person I correspond with through email, I call him friend and he hasn’t said no, so ….. . I have my middle brother, but history has made it so that I am more of a guardian than a friend and that’s pretty much it!

It’s not hard for me to see why my kids might prefer to be alone, but it does make the mental health issues harder to deal with at times. A good network and support group is a very good thing to have in the battle against all this but their genetic make up makes being alone preferable …. quite the impediment don’t you think?

Hubby is the same as I, really doesn’t mind being alone, together. That’s what I’m hoping will happen for my two. To find someone they don’t mind being alone with …. together!





4 thoughts on “Musings

  1. I’ve always fallen into the same boat. My backstory makes it a bit odd in that my friends span the globe. Makes visiting a bit more of a challenge but, on the flip side, they never just “pop” by!

    I had a goal in marriage. I’m not referring to the specific person but rather in entering the institution of marriage. The youthful frolic is nice. All the exciting events that young couples look forward to struck me as ok. My goal though was quality, kinship. The long term goal was to build out a world where we could happily and peacefully sit quietly reading a good book long after the sunset on the frolicking. It’s easy to dismiss the notion of friendship within matrimony but it does sound as though you have a great friend. Lucky lady, it’s as if you had a lucky rabbit’s foot on each side!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. After all of my experience with relationships I never really wanted marriage. It wasn’t until after I met my best friend that I changed my mind …. 20 years later I still get funny looks when I refer to Him as my best friend, I think it’s everyone else who has it wrong! *giggle*

      Two lucky feet indeed! It also means I don’t ‘pop’, I hop! *chuckle*


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