It’s been a year since my Gramma passed away, well almost, it will be on the 29th. Hubby asked me a couple of days ago, very carefully and respectfully, what if anything I wanted to do to mark the day.
I say it that way because he didn’t want to make me feel ‘wrong or bad’ if I didn’t have a plan or idea, but he did want to bring it up and put it out there … To be honest I was caught completely off guard.
I don’t really know how to explain it but I guess my ‘thing’ was being there while she was still with us. Taking care of what needed taking care of, being present and at her side for the last few weeks, no matter how hard that was, and being the rock for others that she had been in her own time.
When she passed I took some of the plants from her garden and moved them here, I took her bible (yes I have one but I wanted hers) and I have her garden hoe and her very tattered cook book. Those were the things I was interested in, those were the things that meant the most to her.
I guess after that my mind never went to societies accepted showings once every year. I am not a ‘for show’ person. Being there when it matters and showing your respect and care in your own way is what matters most to me. Everyone does it differently and in their own time.
So when he asked I was a bit surprised, and I thought ‘yeah, I suppose that is the way it is done’. But then the idea that the rest of the family would likely have to be there for ‘show’ occurred to me, and the fact that I want nothing to do with ‘that’ occurred to me, and the fact the she was not like ‘that’ occurred to me …
My brother and I get together every so often and we talk about old times, we tell stories of how it was and remember the strength she had. We honour her in our own way and we do it often. The 29th is the anniversary of the date but it is not the only time we remember. He took her gardening sun hat btw …
He recently got his own home, finally, and I’m sad that she wasn’t here to see him move away from the craziness that is our family. I had a dish towel that she gave to me in my first apartment and I gave it a new home. It is tattered and barely a cloth any longer, but it now resides in my brother’s kitchen as a reminder to him that she would be proud, and he is doing great! That’s the reason why I had kept it all these years, as a reminder to me …. now it is his.
See, I don’t think we need to make a production of it and bring flowers out on the day or what ever the going accepted thing might be. I think what is in your heart and on your mind every day is more important, and if it means not having a run in with the rest … well, I think Gramma would approve!