Meet my oldest.

I have long known that we are very similar, my oldest and I, but I also knew that there was a major difference in our personalities I just didn’t know exactly how to categorize it. This is of course very funny if you know my ‘personality type’! *chuckle*

I am INTJ (introverted, intuitive, thinking, judging)

He is  INTP (introversion, intuition, thinking, perceiving)

The difference: Judging and Perceiving are preferences used in the Jungian Type Inventory. The naming is unfortunately a bit archaic as judging is more than evaluation and perceiving is not about looking at thing. They are about how we approach life: in a structured way or an open, flexible way.

(http://changingminds.org/explanations/preferences/judging_perceiving.htm)

… and there in lies the root of most of our issues.

Reading over his personality type has also given me a few things to work on in regards to how I react to his way of talking/thinking. I generally like to organize my thoughts, look at things from all sides, and then form a conclusion. When talking to someone I actually ‘like’ (interverted remember, I tend to keep to myself, people frustrate me) I will do that with them by way of ‘taking the seat across the table’ sort to speak. The other side of the debate to see just how many other ideas and points of view we can get through and explore before deciding which is our decision, our judgement if you will.

This method seems to be precisely why my son and I end up arguing with me frustrated and him angry or shutting down. His personality type basically likes to ‘think out loud’, he uses his conversations more as sounding boards in order to get his thoughts and ideas in order, sometimes never even getting to an actual opinion of his own. Simply exploring and verbalizing as he goes. His enthusiasm would lead you to belive that he does in fact have a concrete opinion on the matter, finding out that it isn’t so is eye-opening indeed!

Not only is this very interesting to my structured and regimented brain but it’s also something I can work on identifying in him and understanding so that we can actually communicate in a more effective and friendly manner.

So what does this mean? Well for now, no more ‘cross table debating’ in order to get him to see the bigger picture. I will work on broadening his horizons by using the idea he brings and gently asking or commenting on a same but slightly different version. Helping him to turn his thoughts 1 degree at a time instead of a full 180! *wink*

Eventually he will see the bigger picture and then hopefully come to a conclusion. Although if you read his personality type ….. well, he might be on to the next thing before he ever even decides! *chuckle*

I’ve been wanting to ask him to take the test for some time, lucky for me he let it ‘slip out’ in conversation the other night! Now I know. 😀

Neither of our personalities are well understood by others and we both make up a very small percentage of the population. No wonder we never feel like we fit in! For myself, I’ve long moved past it, I really don’t care to fit in but for him, he is still young and it has a lot to do with a) how he is being treated and b) the current depression we are dealing with.

Now to find out what the youngest is …..

Cheers!

~n

 

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