If you have mental health issues you are trying to navigate, don’t read this.
If you have well-meaning, caring parents who are trying to help you, don’t read this.
If you are getting what you need in regards to your mental health and you still get on with your parents, don’t read this.
Tic toc, tic toc, tic toc , …… I said don’t read this!
I’m in a bit of a mood, not sorry for myself but I am frustrated and annoyed.
I’m not throwing in the towel, I’m not giving up hope, I’m not even blaming. What I am going to talk about is decompressing so, ‘WTF”???
I have two very bright boys, able and capable of talking about the most philosophical things, most controversial things, most deep and emotionally jarring things …… outside the box thinkers and very much able to speak and understand the darkest of humours.
We talk, we laugh, we think and we wonder …. and just when I think I’m free to enjoy an interesting dinner conversation it happens!
Out of the blue, the fun is gone and the triggers rear their ugly heads. What was supposed to be a meeting of the minds turns into triage on the mental war field and apparently I’m the one who just dropped the bomb!
There isn’t just one to watch for, there are two! When one is okay and joking the other is ready to be triggered. I feel like I can’t open up and be myself in my own home for fear of alienating one of my boys.
I am a prisoner in my own home, not allowed to have a brain, not allowed to use it for fear that someone might take it the wrong way, someone might get triggered.
The irony in all this, the only two people around me who share a similar thought pattern to mine and who might actually understand me are the two people I need to be most worried about talking to.
I worry about how things will be taken and I whisper around corners, in a home I pay for. I do it because I want the best for them and because I try to cause them no harm. I get to be their punching bag …. for my efforts.
And all of this was just dinner.