Hurt

My hands are swollen and they hurt, I can barely move them, I can’t make a fist.

My feet are now following suit, they have sore swollen spots here and there, it hurts to walk on them.

The rest of my body/joints just ache. Once in a while I lose the ability to even stand, it hurts so badly that it feels like my lower body is being ripped off of my upper body. Just one ‘false’ move and Bamm!

I’m no stranger to pain, I’ve lived with it as long as I can remember but these moments actually make me cry out.

Then you throw the raynaud’s into the mix and I’m constantly uncomfortably cold! It’s not a matter of putting on a sweater either. My torso is actually sweating, it’s from my elbows down and knees down, that is purple and freezing. Talk about a walking contradiction.

My hands are so cold that the little people I need to change will actually say ‘ouch’ when I make skin contact. It’s not that it hurts them, but the temperature difference is just that shocking!

Walking around in this state day in and day out starts to make my brain foggy from the pain and it becomes hard to concentrate.

I don’t want to host Easter, I don’t have the energy to cook or clean any more and the house and animals are NOT cooperating!

I would like to curl up into the Bear and snuggle in tight. I would like to forget my responsibilities for a while and I would like to just for a little bit be comfortable!

I’ve taken pictures of my hands for my next doctor’s appointment so he can see the lumps and bumps and swelling.

This is not just stress …..

I’m not stressed, things are going well. My stress is my pain! I can no longer function. THAT stresses me out …. it used to happen once in a while, now it happens all the time. Everything is getting worse.

I am not living, I’m just surviving.

Just how much longer can I last? Mentally I’m still looking on the bright side, but just how long can I last? Even this bunny needs a break some time.

Cheers!

~n

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7 thoughts on “Hurt

  1. Time for the doctor and some help. Can people coming Easter help you? Reach out and ask. Don’t feel bad about asking. I pray you find some relief. Pain is a nasty bitch.

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    1. Yes, I have an appointment set up in just over a weeks time. He was off on holidays for a couple of weeks so I had to wait.
      I think the last time I was in I didn’t get my point across very well. After a lengthy appointment with the rheumatologist I have learned how to better communicate my issues so I hope to get some where this time around! In all honesty the last time I went in I was one big ball of pain so I’m not sure my brain was even functioning properly, oh well!
      I’m not sure on the help, most of the big issue is cleaning before hand (thanks dogs and washer) and then having to move furniture out of my library to add a table to accommodate everyone. OYE! I’ve got the Bear as my sue chef and and the dishes, well, they will just have to wait.
      I’m pretty confident that this will be our last go round, at least at this level. The Bear and I are both not looking forward to it, so what’s the point. I’m stepping out of the ‘rotation’.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You had fog brain at the doctor. I’ve had that when I’ve have bad pain flair ups. It’s alright to let others do the holiday. I’m hoping you get some modicum of relief especially for Easter. No one deserves to hurt.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. What do you mean ‘had’ ..!?! *chuckle* Got to keep your sense of humour. 😉

        I know I need a break, it’s simple as that, and thank you! I’m hoping for some relief as well. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

    1. The Bear? Yes, it’s my choice, the doctor doesn’t mind. It’s His phone that has the pictures and the youngest needs to go in for a follow up and refill. It’s actually the first time we will have him to the doctor, assuming he follows through this time.
      So yes, the Bear is coming, there isn’t much we don’t do together! *giggle* He was there for the rheumatologist as well.

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