My hands are swollen and they hurt, I can barely move them, I can’t make a fist.
My feet are now following suit, they have sore swollen spots here and there, it hurts to walk on them.
The rest of my body/joints just ache. Once in a while I lose the ability to even stand, it hurts so badly that it feels like my lower body is being ripped off of my upper body. Just one ‘false’ move and Bamm!
I’m no stranger to pain, I’ve lived with it as long as I can remember but these moments actually make me cry out.
Then you throw the raynaud’s into the mix and I’m constantly uncomfortably cold! It’s not a matter of putting on a sweater either. My torso is actually sweating, it’s from my elbows down and knees down, that is purple and freezing. Talk about a walking contradiction.
My hands are so cold that the little people I need to change will actually say ‘ouch’ when I make skin contact. It’s not that it hurts them, but the temperature difference is just that shocking!
Walking around in this state day in and day out starts to make my brain foggy from the pain and it becomes hard to concentrate.
I don’t want to host Easter, I don’t have the energy to cook or clean any more and the house and animals are NOT cooperating!
I would like to curl up into the Bear and snuggle in tight. I would like to forget my responsibilities for a while and I would like to just for a little bit be comfortable!
I’ve taken pictures of my hands for my next doctor’s appointment so he can see the lumps and bumps and swelling.
This is not just stress …..
I’m not stressed, things are going well. My stress is my pain! I can no longer function. THAT stresses me out …. it used to happen once in a while, now it happens all the time. Everything is getting worse.
I am not living, I’m just surviving.
Just how much longer can I last? Mentally I’m still looking on the bright side, but just how long can I last? Even this bunny needs a break some time.