These are the highlights of what I want to hit on (like that pun???). Many things have gone by the way side around here because of mental health priorities.
Being careful not to add to anyone’s anxiety, panic, mood disorder and depression has made everyday basic things a nightmare to navigate. Now that both of the boys are on medication and seem to be balancing out I need to get down to business.
Their intellectual capabilities alone make hitting the ‘normal’ milestones in order a joke! The rest of it just made this a circus event instead of a ‘normal’ progression into young adulthood.
These are things I need to tell them and these are things I hope they are ready to hear.
I’m trying to be gentle and I have no need for blaming or shaming but I truly hope that everyone is mentally sound enough now to start ‘growing up’!
There is a difference between mental health and needing a day to take a break and recharge, and skipping out because you spent too much time playing video games and not enough time on your school work and responsibilities. [Mind you video games is a great escape for someone with personality disorder or anxiety – so there was that factor.]
I constantly walk on egg shells not knowing if I need my ‘mom’ pants on and tell you to get off your ass, or if I should have my ‘supportive’ pants on because you need time to get mentally ready for your day. I understand that and I will always be here to give you that but you guys are playing me for a fool and that is unfair.
You are both old enough to get yourselves out of bed on time, get your stuff together, eat and be ready on time.
Having to chase you around day in and day out every time to get you up and going is mentally and physically exhausting for me. Don’t say I don’t have to, we all know that if I don’t you will not get up and you will not follow through.
This is not about blaming, it’s just the facts. I don’t want to argue but I do need you to see and understand this from my perspective as well.
I don’t want to have to convince you to do your work and live up to your responsibilities every day. That is not fun for me, it’s tiresome. You are both old enough, smart enough and even responsible enough to be doing this on your own, so yes I do get frustrated. I shouldn’t have to do any of this, it’s about your future, not mine. Don’t get huffy and say it doesn’t matter, it does. Be a young adult and listen and speak as one, be real.
Showers and brushing your teeth, should I really have to tell either of you about that? Daily? [Again depression, personality disorders will often interfere with normal every day activities. It’s a hard call between a mental health issue and a pain in the butt teenager.]
Your laundry, Dad and I should not have to do it. Let’s get realistic, you are more than old enough and capable enough to do it yourselves. Need a hand, have a question? Ask … we are here and we can help but you two should be doing it yourselves. They were doing (helping) with their own laundry when they were much younger, once the issues started everything else stopped.]
Dishes, they belong in the dishwasher, not on the counter, not in the middle of your floor. When you get done with something put it away. It is really not right that Dad and I have to chase you around for that. [Same as above.]
By the end of my day and the end of my week I am totally exhausted. I can barely function now as it is. NO none of that is your fault but you are not making it easier either.
Do you really think I like running around after the two of you all day, every day?
Don’t go down the road that it’s your life you’ll do what you want/what needs to be done. If you don’t get graduated and a job and out on your own who do you suppose is going to pay your way? Where do you suppose the money is going to come from?
I’m not in a hurry for you guys to move and you are welcome here for as long as you like but if you stay here I don’t want to be picking up after you and having to make you do what’s needed either.
Again, this is not meant as a guilt trip but they are the facts. If you feel guilty than I’m sorry but perhaps you should step up and fix it. I’m not asking you to take care of my stuff, only your own.
That’s the plan, I guess we’ll see how it goes. Nothing too harsh but certainly realistic. Mentally and physically I just can’t keep doing this any more. I run back and forth from my work to the third floor daily to get them up and going in the mornings. Normally I get push back making me have to talk some sense into them before they are late and on really ‘good’ days it’s like I’m living with two truckers!
The abuse has stopped finally so I’m going on the assumption that the medications are working and that their minds are now their own again! It has been a long half a decade give or take and this warrior is ready to put her sword and shield down for an extended vacation!
Lord give me strength! And a bit of good luck wouldn’t hurt either!
Living with mental health issues is hard, but so is trying to parent someone(s) who is dealing ….