Got a call today from the school, the oldest has not done any of the work he was supposed to be doing online. According to the secretary, the last known time he worked was March 19th!
The last time he communicated with the person he is to reach out to once per week was April 20th ….
Lucky child happened to walk into the kitchen just as I was finishing up the call …. *grin* yeah, lucky alright! So I did it, I went Iyanla on his @ss! No holds barred …. you want me to treat you like an adult, act like one. He just turned 18 two weeks ago, he had a tattoo scheduled for tomorrow …. Dad and I wouldn’t give permission so he waited until he was age of majority.
Well, not anymore he doesn’t. I laid it out right on the line. ‘You are not mature enough to decide if you should have a tattoo or not, you can’t even get your high school work done.’
I spelled it out and took no bull, …
….. you haven’t logged in, you haven’t done your school work, you have no job, you live off of us and your girlfriend. How long do you suppose she will allow that?
I had one like you …. notice that he is not around? I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, I’m trying to make you see. She will not put up with this forever.
You stay up all night playing games and smoking up …. DON’T even try to deny it, I’m not stupid and I can smell. It’s here, it’s in MY house …
You will not get a job without finishing high school, your girlfriend will not pay your way forever, drugs DO ruin your life and I will not put up with it any longer. Period!
For once he didn’t try to excuse or deny anything …. I think he has figured it out, finally. His sh*t does stink …. and we do know!
So no, he is not mature enough to decide if he should get a tattoo and he has taken it upon himself to cancel the appointment. The first mature action I have seen in a while.
I am parenting an adult son now, like the lady said, I’m no longer his ‘momma’ and not his ‘friend’ … I’m the wise woman giving him the ‘what for’ … telling him the facts and expecting him to rise up.
Since the past few weeks have seen me dawning my warrior armor anyway, I’m more than ready for the challenge. Life always works out just as it needs to! *wink*
Cheers!
~n
nijntje's Babadook 
Right there with ya! Rise up is right lol.😀
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Now that’s a ‘gospel’ I can follow … 😉 LoL
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Good girl nijntje!!! 😀 I certainly hope it sank in this time. Real life just smacked him in the face. Love you.
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Yes it did so …. 😉 Let’s hope it has sunk in. I have my work cut out for me I know, but I have a Bear as back up, what else could I ask for?? ❤
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With you all the way nijntje. 😀
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Give tasks and deadlines combined with realistic goals then stick to them with a PERIOD. He needs to respect your roles. He needs to see the reality that comes with this freedom and he needs to take in the responsibility of that reality. Some pain at this point may well help him avoid later hurt. Maybe a prior speech of mine will help you understand my stance.
Girly-girl asked about turning 18 and being an “adult”. I confirmed that the “freedom” she heard of was real. She listened, waited and (when I finished) asked “But?” “You will still be expected to carry yourself in an obedient and respectful way. You will still help out and abide by the rules of my house. As time passes you will quickly be given evermore freedom. But, you will be an adult. There will be no legal reason to provide you with food, clothing, shelter or resources. Telling you to find those elsewhere will be a viable option. You will be here because I love you, I want you around and you contribute to the ongoing needs of the house you call home.”
Just my thoughts but I want to see him step up and thrive so…..
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Yup, that’s pretty much where we are! I want to see him thrive too and I don’t want to mess with his mental health BUT I don’t believe that to be an issue right now, hence the direction we are going in.
I will not/ and can not let past worries come into play now. As far as I can tell his mental state is stable so the rules of the land are taking effect. If he can’t handle that then he will be finding his own way because I have no plan to enable him to mess up his life.
Support from me, yes! Enableling, no! That’s the plan anyway ….
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Good luck ma’am.
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Thank you, I think I’m going to need it!!!
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Go with a plan, stand by it together and luck will be unnecessary.
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