Lately I feel like I’m being called in a different direction than the one I have been following for the past 20+ years.
My doctor was right about stress being a major part of my issues. It affects everything from your mental to your physical well-being, I know that. What he was wrong about was where the stress was coming from.
I’ve been feeling a lot better since I decided to take the summer off. The boys and their ‘stuff’ is still the same but I find myself much less tense all the way around. I’ve had a chance to workout and ‘fix’ me but much of that has to do with ambition, not just time. I still hurt and I still have pain but my outlook is more peaceful, about everything.
My work used to make me feel like I was making a difference. I felt like I was helping families and children who were misunderstood and needed guidance and support. A helping hand, someone there when no one else took the time to listen.
Now a days I feel like I’m just putting in my time. Most of the ‘issues’ I face are simply bad manners and over indulgence. I find myself looking forward to retirement, I’m only 44 ….. Sorry folks, its true though, that’s the way many kids are being raised now. Makes me fearful of what tomorrow will bring.
I’m starting to wonder if perhaps it’s time to put down the ‘mom/stay at home’ torch and reach for something different. The boys are going to do what they will do. The oldest is not going anywhere until he falls on his face, I just have a feeling.
The youngest I think might take a short while but will step up and be better than if I was at home. He tends to take charge when he sees a need, it’s just who he is. He won’t do it for himself, but he will do it for the sake of others. Wonder where he gets that from?? *smirk*
OR, I could be completely wrong ……
I’m feeling a lot like I’m treading water. I have been for years now, I don’t feel like what I do matters.
I have a brand new resume sitting on my desktop, I haven’t written one in over 20 years! LoL I don’t know what to do with it, maybe nothing. I guess we’ll see.
Taking a step out there would turn my whole world around, would I even be ready for that? They may not want me anyway, might all be stress over nothing.