At the oddest moments

I just read a post from a fellow blogger about triggers. I understand what happens quite well, I lived with them for years. I had a tiny bit of a reminder yesterday but I’m glad to say I quickly side-stepped it and moved on, mostly. Obviously I still remember but it’s not something I’m dwelling on.

The most benign things will do that to you at times. Yesterday my mother just texted my oldest to see how he made out on his senior year. That is kind of funny now, in a wry way, again. I don’t have other ‘funny’ when it comes to them.

Anywho, I don’t honestly know when she would have texted him last, probably Christmas?? That’s an assumption, we didn’t see them and we did text them so she might not have, who knows, I didn’t ask him.

The neglect and disinterest I experienced at the hands of my parents was the main reason I didn’t want to have a girl and I made damn sure I didn’t. It’s sad really but it’s true. I didn’t want to pass that animosity on to my daughter, make her pay for the sins of my parents.

The violence, emotional abuse and physical abuse was one thing but the obvious gap between the way the boys were treated and the way I was … well, that was the kick in the teeth I had the hardest time reconciling and it was all because I was female.

So, my mother didn’t trigger me but reading the battles of another did. *shrug* You just never know. I have learned that for me putting it all ‘down on paper’ as quickly as possible helps to get it out of my head BEFORE the OCD kicks in and I rethink and re-live it all, over and over again …..

All there is left to do now is think on a new, happier topic to write about. To move on.

With any luck I will be back! *smiles*

Cheers!

~n

 

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4 thoughts on “At the oddest moments

    1. OH no, no, no …. that is not at all what I was hoping you’d get from this hun!
      First, you are not the only one I read that talks through things, it helps me to see and remember so I don’t forget to honour that place in my soul.
      Secondly, I was hoping you’d see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you are not alone!
      There is NOTHING to be sorry about, please know that!!

      Liked by 1 person

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